How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... Chapter 1, Part II

The authors are really so much better than I am at concisely expressing their points, that I am compelled to quote them some.

On listening with full attention: "It's much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. He doesn't even have to say anything. Often a sympathetic silence is all a child needs."

On acknowledging with "Oh," "Mmmm," and "I see," versus asking questions or offering advice: "It's hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming, or advising her. There's a lot of help to be had from a simple 'Oh.. umm...' or 'I see.' Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions."

On giving feelings a name versus denying feelings: "When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away -- however kindly -- the child only seems to get more upset. ... The child who hears the words for what he is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged his inner experience."

On giving a child his wishes in fantasy versus using explanations and logic: "When children want something they can't have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can't have it. Often the harder we explain, the harder they protest. Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear."

Try it out!