Bookmarks...

As of right now, I am speeding through the following books:

• Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.


• Keeping the Love you Find by Harville Hendrix

Reading them both at the same time is a little tough! The content in each seems to parallel so closely at times, that it can be confusing. Of course, Emotional Intelligence is discussing the various ways in which progress in the field can have positive repercussions in the various relationships we experience every day (whether with a lover, child, or even a boss) while Keeping the Love... is a "Book for Singles." Meanwhile, it discusses emotional intelligence and how our experiences in childhood affects how we choose our partners today.

Still, both very thought-provoking in their own ways.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... Chapter 1, Part II

The authors are really so much better than I am at concisely expressing their points, that I am compelled to quote them some.

On listening with full attention: "It's much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. He doesn't even have to say anything. Often a sympathetic silence is all a child needs."

On acknowledging with "Oh," "Mmmm," and "I see," versus asking questions or offering advice: "It's hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming, or advising her. There's a lot of help to be had from a simple 'Oh.. umm...' or 'I see.' Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions."

On giving feelings a name versus denying feelings: "When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away -- however kindly -- the child only seems to get more upset. ... The child who hears the words for what he is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged his inner experience."

On giving a child his wishes in fantasy versus using explanations and logic: "When children want something they can't have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can't have it. Often the harder we explain, the harder they protest. Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear."

Try it out!

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... Part I

Okay, back to what this blog is about (certainly not fried food!).

 

After several threats (from me to myself), I have finally picked up How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish) for my second read-through.  It has been much too long.  ...and just re-reading the first two chapters has reminded me of why I think this is the one book (if you could only read one) that every parent should read!

 

I just want to quickly comment on the first chapter and share with people the four points it makes about how to alleviate the bad feelings a child might be having.

 

(1) Listen with full attention.  This one speaks for itself, but how often do we find ourselves responding to our children's questions while our eyes are on the paper, or in a book, or staring at the t.v. or computer screen?  This one really is so simple, it should go without saying!  Yet, I am grateful for the reminder, for I am just as guilty of not doing this as the next person.

 

(2) Acknowledging feelings with a simple "Oh," "Mmmm," or "I see." By responding at all, we show that we are listening.  By keeping it short, we do not distract the child from finishing telling what's on his or her mind.  Most importantly, however, my keeping the response to "Oh,"  "Mmmm," or "I see," we refrain from using responses that are going to make our child's bad feelings worse.  Responses like giving advice, asking questions, denying feelings, etc. do not help a child... except to help them feel like you don't understand them.

 

(3) Give feelings a name.  If you can identify the feeling a child must be having, based on what he or she is telling you, then a good "How frustrating that must be!" or "Wow, I can see that makes you angry!" can go a long way to helping the child get over the feeling.  Usually, a child is not looking for you to fix their problem, they just want you to understand what they're feeling.  When you show that you can and do, the child then feels "normal," that it's okay to have negative feelings, and is one step closer to getting over it.

 

(4) Give wishes in fantasy.  Telling your child that you'd give them a hundred baby dolls if you could afford it (and telling them in a fun, yet sincere way) shows a child you understand how badly they want something.  This kind of response gets a lot better reaction from a child on the verge of a tantrum than does "No. You already have 10 dolls at home."

 

Chapter 2 is about engaging cooperation from your children and I'll get into that in another post.  Great stuff!

Fried Foods

Ugh! The "Holidays!" Today, we had our little Department get-together after work. We went over to a nearby BW3's. I started light. Just one beer. A couple of freebie wings. Then, hungry, I ordered a garden burger and some fries with melted cheese. Still not too, too bad. Then someone orders several appetizers and I dive in. I have forgotten how bad fried food makes me feel! I've had a great year, learning how to eat right and shedding the pounds. I made a New Year's resolution that I actually stuck to! I have lost 60 pounds since January 1, 2004. Naturally, then, eating fried food like a pig makes me feel awful! I thought about going to the gym, but actually convinced myself it might be unhealthy to do that with so much cholesterol running through my veins! I'm sure there's no basis for that. It was just the food talking!

So, tonight I'm home a little early and childless. What to do, what to do... Well, I have a borrowed copy of "Calendar Girls" waiting for me to watch it, but somehow, I just don't feel up to that right now. I guess now is as good a time as any to work on my movie script while waiting for "South Park" and "Drawn Together" to come on.

Well, have a good day y'all! Thanks, JEP, for reading and commenting!

Wiki vs. Blog

Okay, so two things:

(1) No one's commenting on my blog. Maybe I should tell people I've got one! :) I'm still playing around. Even now, I know as I'm writing this that I could very well be the only person who reads it! An old friend of mine once said: "Junior, we could give you a tape recorder and leave you in a room by yourself and you'd be happy." Somehow, I took it as a compliment. I suppose you'd have to hear it in context!

(2) When I started this blog, what I was really interested in was a Wiki. I've been reading about knowledge management lately and was thinking of a forum for people to put their views together in one place. I had forgotten what that was called. I could only remember "blog." It wasn't until later that I remembered "wiki." I am going to look into those as well. On the other hand, THIS is a potentially interesting method for information sharing as well.

I just finished listening to "Enduring Love" on tape. Ian McEwan is an incredible author. This book was phenomenal! I've got his "Atonement" out from the library (on CD), but really think I'd like to really READ him instead. The CDs are so much easier though. Decisions, decisions...

I also finished Cheri Bennett's Searching for David's Heart. It's a great YA novel and left me crying in the end (okay, maybe that's not so hard to do, but still!).

On recommendation, I'm listening to P.J. O'Rourke's "Eat the Rich" in the car right now. I haven't gotten very far, but I can tell that this man is quite funny. I haven't gotten to his point yet, but he is talking about money and people's general lack of intelligence on getting it, managing it, and spending it. Should be good.

I'll let you know.

The Infinite Art of Janet Parke -- Fractal Greeting Cards

This is really just a test of what the 'Blog This' button does on my Google Toolbar. However, these greeting cards are pretty cool.

The Infinite Art of Janet Parke -- Fractal Greeting Cards: "Would you like to send an Infinite Art fractal e-card?
It's easy -- just follow the instructions at each step along the way. After you have completed the card, you will be shown a preview. If you do not like your card, you may edit it and then send it, or just cancel the request. The recipient will receive e-mail advising where to find the card."

Welcome to Junior.com!

Hey, all!

I've been interested in this BLOG thing for a while and now friends of mine are doing it, so I figured I might as well. There's also a professional reason for me to be interested in these. I suppose the best way to figure this out, then, is to just start one up. blogger.com appears to make this easy, so here goes nothing...

A quick little something about myself... when I have the chance, I like to read for pleasure. When the time presents itself, I pick up several books at once. Right now, I am reading:

• Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Very interesting book on the sadly overlooked branch of intelligence in our education system.
  
• Enduring Love by Ian McEwan. My boss turned me on to this. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape in the car, but I'm in love with this author now! I just picked up three others by him from Half-Price Books today! The title is misleading: it's not a sappy love story.
  
• Searching for David's Heart by Cherie Bennett. This is a young adult novel. I met the author in L.A. and I think of her as a friend now. She and her husband were very nice and I've had the pleasure of seeing a stage adaptation of her great Life in the Fat Lane (which was also great)! This book of hers was recently adapted for t.v. and I enjoyed it, and so now I'm reading the book to see how the adaptation worked. Life in the Fat Lane, by the way, should be required reading for all Junior High School (or maybe High School) girls.
  
• Frames of Mind by Howard Gardner. Interesting topic, but academic and boring author. I've tried to read another book by this guy and dropped it. Still, the subject (multiple intelligences) is interesting. I'll try it for a little longer.
  

I also recently finished:

• The Grim Grotto by Lemony Snicket. The latest installment ("Book the Eleventh") in the Series of Unfortunate Events. As always, very funny.
  
• Joe College by Tom Perrotta. Author of Election (adapted into a darkly humorous movie with Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon), Perrotta delivers a fairly funny account of a Yalie's 3rd year of college. The Deux ex machina at the end is a relief, but also a little too convenient.
  
• Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire. I had already been impressed by Maguire's popular Wicked and found that I enjoyed this take off on the traditional Snow White story just as much!
  
• The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. I listened to this one on CD in the car. I started listening to it a second time, but someone had a reserve on it at the library, so I had to return it. This book is a must-read for everyone, women in particular, single women in particular, but really, everyone will get something out of it. Non-fiction.
  

And in the very near future, I need to read:

• "Troilus and Cressida" by William Shakespeare. All I know about this right now is that it's by Shakespeare. If I had to guess, there are at least two characters in it and their names are "Troilus" and "Cressida." I have a 5 year old son. We came this close to naming him "Troilus."
  

Have you read any of the above? What do you think?

I guess I gravitate toward really good fiction and also books somehow related to psychology. I'm also big on parenting books. And I'm always looking for good picture books to read to children.

Any recommendations?

You show me yours, I'll show you mine!